I walk a fine line of ethical boundaries on a daily basis. This last week has tested my ability to decipher the lines and where they get blurry. When is it acceptable to help my subject and when do I become a part of her story? I can’t help but think that I am already a part of it just by being in this person’s life. I guess the idea is to not become the story. As I learned this week (after talking it through with Kate like three times), sometimes it’s okay to reach out a minor helping hand in a time of extreme need. Even just the action of reaching out might gain you more access. It could also ruin everything. So far, so good.
It all feels like a grand manipulation in order to get people to share with me the most intimate details of their lives. Is that what makes a good documentarian? All I know is that it’s working (sort of). Slowly but surely I am becoming trusted… only to be angrily pushed away again for a while. Two steps forward and one step back, right? I feel like I’m constantly waiting to plan and planning to wait, which sort of drives me up the wall. But I’ll continue to push and pray for a little more access and maybe at some point I can get to that sweet spot where I am all at once admitted, accepted and forgotten.
